Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87950 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 293(@300wpm)
“You need to stop trying to put yourself in some sort of box,” Sawyer began. I opened my eyes to look at him, genuinely interested in what he had to say. “You’re not a conventional guy, Matt, and life isn’t black and white. There’s no rule that says you can only be attracted to certain people, or that you can’t change along the way. Sexuality is a long spectrum, and it’s okay to land anywhere on it.”
“I’m not sure what you’re saying.”
“I’m saying you connect with people. Always have. Not their gender, religion, sexuality or whatever. Just them. You’ve fallen in love with a person, with what’s inside, and I think that’s what’s scaring you the most.”
“Whoa…back the fuck down. You think I love him?”
“Hell I don’t know! Only you can answer that. But really, if it was anything less, I don’t think you’d be struggling so much.”
“So you’re saying I should just forget he’s got a dick?”
“Fuck no! For one, that would be impossible if you were ever to sleep with him. Have you even thought that far ahead? Do you want to sleep with him?”
“I’ve thought about it,” I confessed. There was no point lying to Sawyer. He knew me well enough to smell my bullshit three states away. “And it scares the shit outta me.”
“Scares you?”
“It’s like, I’ve been having sex since I was fifteen years old. I like to think I’m pretty experienced.”
“There aren’t many people who would argue that,” Sawyer interrupted, grinning.
“But with a guy? I wouldn’t have a clue where to start. I’d be like a virgin all over again.”
“I say this from experience. A man’s ‘heavenly warmth,’ doesn’t feel all that different from a woman’s. It’s common knowledge you’re a professional at giving it up the ass, so I think you’ll be fine.”
My head jerked back, sending a shock of pain down my neck. It wasn’t a lie, but also not something I’d advertised in the freakin’ newspaper. “How the fuck is that common knowledge?”
“You really have no idea how honest you are when you’re drunk, do you?”
“Wait…” I raised my hand, realization smacking me in the face. “Without going into how the hell you know that about me, you’re right. It’s always been my favorite way to take a chick. Do you think that means I’ve been secretly gay for all these years and not noticed?”
Sawyer laughed. Not an amused laugh, more a chuckle of disbelief. “No, Matt. I don’t. You can’t not notice you’re gay. The fact you like fucking ass means you like fucking ass. Some people like using dildos, doesn’t mean they want to marry one. Love, or whatever it is you feel for Alex, doesn’t come with a rulebook. You’ve found a connection with someone that goes beyond sex and attraction, probably for the first time in your life. That’s all that’s going on here. I don’t know if it can or will go any further, but like I’ve said a thousand times, you won’t know until you talk to him.”
I sighed heavily, finally resigning myself to the fact he was right. “But he won’t take my calls.”
“Then find him. Come on, dude. You know where he lives, where he goes. The only reason you haven’t spoken to him is because you didn’t want to.”
Nodding weakly, I offered a half smile. “Thanks, Saw. For everything.”
“Stand up,” he asked, rising to his feet and opening his arms. “Let’s hug it out.”
“Um…”
“Just fucking do it.”
Shrugging casually, I reciprocated Sawyer’s bear hug. “You didn’t used to be such a sappy shit.”
“It’s what love does to you, dude. Be prepared,” he joked, clapping my back before releasing me.
“I can’t help thinking what if this is all some kind of phase and I end up looking like a giant tit.”
“Aw, Matt,” Sawyer said. “You don’t need to worry about that. You’re already the biggest tit we know.”
“Funny. Asshat. You know, if the press got ahold of this, they’d say you turned me.”
“Maybe I have. Maybe it’s been my master plan all along. Kip’s up next.”
I laughed, slapping his upper arm. “Good luck with that one. When you got an ass as hot as Elle’s waitin’ at home only an imbecile would go elsewhere.”
“Ugh, man, she’s practically my sister.”
“You know I don’t discriminate. I’d even tap your mom if she wasn’t such a cold-hearted bitch.”
Sawyer scrunched up his nose, shaking his head like he was trying to dislodge an image in his mind. “Aaaaand...time for me to leave before I throw up in your pool.” I laughed as I watched him walk away, intrigued when he paused just before stepping inside the house. “Find Alex!” he called over his shoulder, and then he was gone.
Still out by the pool, I traced the cracks between the tiles with my foot before looking out and allowing my gaze to linger on the magnificent view. A subtle pink hue snuggled the hills in the distance, signaling dusk was imminent. I decided to interpret that as it being too late to reach Alex and I’d try tomorrow instead. Then I realized tomorrow I’d find another excuse, just like I’d been doing for almost three weeks.