Total pages in book: 103
Estimated words: 99434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99434 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 497(@200wpm)___ 398(@250wpm)___ 331(@300wpm)
Another thing that was my fault. The life of a single parent was basically non-existent. Someone dating that person didn’t get the wining and dining they deserved. And that was best-case scenario.
“Sorry,” I said. “How was your day otherwise?”
“Not bad. How’s everything going over there? Did Ella like Freckles?”
I closed my eyes, rested my head back against the couch, and propped my feet up on the coffee table. “The traitor is sleeping at the foot of her bed right now.”
“Well, I’m sure she’s more fun than you for him anyway, old man.”
“Go easy on the old man. I’m only a few years older than you.”
“Do you have your feet up on the coffee table and a drink in your hand at nine o’clock on a weeknight right now?”
I smiled. “Wise ass.”
Toward the end of our call, I said, “I miss you. It’s a fucked-up situation I’m in right now. I’m sorry I’m not able to take you to a nice dinner after work. Or sit behind you in the bath after a long day. You have no idea what I’d give for that.”
Layla was quiet. “I know. I understand. You have to do what you need to do, Gray. You have a little girl now. When you love someone, you put their needs first, before your own. That’s just how it is. Looking back, I think that’s why I never forgave my dad when I got older. He didn’t put what was best for us first, what was best for my mother. He put himself first. And I never got past that. You’re going to be a great dad. I already know it.”
After I hung up, I finished my drink and stared up at the ceiling for a long time. Layla was right. When you love someone, you put their needs first. It was cliché as fuck, but sometimes that meant letting them go. I think I’d known for a while what I needed to do; I just didn’t want to admit it.
Admitting it meant I’d have to act on it. And acting on it was going to fucking kill me. But what else did I need thrown in my face to tell me I’d be doing the right thing?
The list I’d found—
Never wanted children.
I’ll never be his priority.
Max’s comments—
“She’s not ready for a family yet.”
“You see what you want to see in women, Gray.”
Layla’s own words—
“When you love someone, you put their needs first, before your own.”
“That’s why I never forgave my dad…”
Chapter 33
* * *
Gray
I stood in front of Layla’s building and stared up at her bedroom window. The light was on, and I’d seen her shadow pass by a little while ago, so I knew she was home. I just didn’t have the balls to go in yet.
Layla had no idea I was coming. I’d spent the last forty-eight hours thinking of what I would say to her. If I told her I’d read her list and wanted to put her needs first, it would only make her feel bad. I knew her—she’d feel guilty that she wasn’t there to support me when I needed her. It was just the type of woman she was.
And I wasn’t strong enough to fight her if she said she wanted to stick it out. Because I wanted nothing more in this world than to fight tooth and nail for us.
So, I decided to absolve her of any guilt and let her think it’s what I really wanted. It would break my vow never to lie to her again, but she’d already wasted enough time on me—more than a year of Saturday trips, not moving on for a long time after she’d stopped visiting, and then the last few months. It wouldn’t be fair to keep her any more. Quick and over—that’s what it had to be. She’ll probably be pissed. But it’s easier to move on when you’re angry than when you have guilt over wanting different things than someone you care about.
I took a last look up at the window, tucked my own heart away, and headed for the door. I rang the buzzer and started to sweat, waiting for her to answer.
“Hello?”
“Hey. It’s me. Sorry I didn’t call first.”
“Hey. That’s okay. Come on up.” The door buzzed, and the deadbolt unlocked.
I thought about changing my mind ten fucking times on the short elevator ride up. And then I hesitated before I stepped off.
Layla was waiting at the door to her apartment as I stepped off. “This is a nice surprise,” she said.
Say that again in ten minutes.
I found it difficult to speak and had to cough to clear my throat. “I need to talk to you.”
Her face turned to concern. “Is everything okay? Did Max…”
I shook my head. “No. Nothing like that.”
She hesitated before opening the door and stepping aside. Normally, I’d grab her the minute I got close, wrap her in my arms, and plant my lips on hers. As much as I wanted that one last time, it would only make it worse.