Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 109178 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 546(@200wpm)___ 437(@250wpm)___ 364(@300wpm)
Willow Smith’s, ‘Symptom of Life’ started to play, coloring the mood in shades of intangible discomfort and forlorn beauty.
“I was a complex person. I was young, too… didn’t know how to process this sort of thing. My emotions misfired. I cut off what I perceived was the problem.” He nodded in understanding. “One minute, you’re like the White brother I never had, and the next, I am feeling things for you that I shouldn’t. I didn’t want the friendship ruined, and I couldn’t trust myself to not say anything to you. Besides, let’s say everything might have turned out great after I confessed my feelings—it would have been a long-distance thing, and I may have done something stupid like not go away to school like I’d planned, or worse, been lousy to you. You know I’m fucked up.” She swallowed hard then confidently met his gaze.
“I would have never let that happen. The whole, you not finishing school. I’m one of the people who encouraged you to go on to college in the first place. You told me a million times that you wanted to be a lawyer. I fully supported that because I knew you’d be good at it, and you needed to find yourself.”
“Yeah, I found myself. I just didn’t like what I discovered.” A glimmer of what appeared to be dread appeared in her eyes.
“After talking about your dreams for so long, finally, you decided to go forward with that particular one. Make it come true. You said your mother wasn’t completely supportive, and most of your friends weren’t, either. But I said, ‘Do that. Don’t listen to them.’”
“I know you want to know if I finished law school, and the answer is no—not that that would be a big surprise, considering my current occupation, Though in all honesty, I make more money dancin’ and doing online gigs than I ever would have as an attorney. Regardless, I didn’t finish because money ran out, I got distracted with other shit, and my demons came back to collect their due.”
“There’s always going to be a past. Scars. Naysayers and evil. That’s no excuse to run from your destiny. The people with the most to say have the least to offer, too.”
“I can’t argue with that.” Her eyes glistened even more. “I also recall you giving me money for my books to cover the first semester of undergrad.” Her cheeks darkened, and her lips curled while she looked away… as if the rush of emotions from yesteryear had returned and poked her in the heart.
“Yeah, but my main objective at the time was to do everything I could do as a friend to you, Nadia,” He placed his hand over his chest. “And just be a decent human being.”
“You were always good. Always decent. You’re rare.” She reached for a tissue from a golden box and blew her nose.
“I wasn’t always a decent person.” He chuckled mirthlessly. “But when dealing with you? Yeah, I was civilized.” You reminded me of my mama. “You had so much to offer. Your potential was too big for that place. You needed to be outside of that restaurant. Bein’ a waitress. Don’t get me wrong, waitressing is honest work, but I knew you wanted somethin’ else. You weren’t happy there. You were… no, you are intelligent, and you wanted to help society in a different way. By going into family law.”
“Yeah. I can’t believe you remember the specific type of legal practice I was goin’ to school for after all of these years. I did want to be somebody, didn’t I?” She smiled sadly, then tossed up her hands. “It wasn’t meant to be, and I didn’t want to take up your time, either, Lennox. You deserved someone who wasn’t… wasn’t like me.” Now, the truth is finally out. “You wanted to have your own gym. I remember your dreams, too. How’s that working out?”
“I’m still trying to get there, Nadia… still tryna get there.” He cracked his knuckles and looked down at his sock covered feet. “You wouldn’t have been taking up my time, and I wouldn’t have been taking up yours, but it doesn’t matter now anymore.” His eyes met hers. “We’ve spent ten minutes talking about why you never called me, and no answer you’ve given I find good enough.” She swallowed. “I know it made sense to you at the time though. I understand. All I wanted to do was make sure you were okay. That you were good. For you to check in with me every now and again. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but just to let you know I was a little hurt by that… actually, a lot hurt.”
She looked up through lidded eyes, then her expression turned sheepish. “You stopped calling. I’m not all to blame.”