Total pages in book: 106
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 490(@200wpm)___ 392(@250wpm)___ 327(@300wpm)
“How do I talk to her about this shit? I’ve tried, but she doesn’t listen.”
“She’s the only person you tiptoe around. Do what you do to everyone else when you have a bone to pick with them. Don’t back down.” She nodded in understanding. “Your mother shuts down in the face of wavering, which she perceives as weakness. She wakes up when she stands before strength. She respects when people are direct with her. Do not worry about her responses, receptiveness, or lack thereof when you confront her. She may get defensive, she may not. Either way, don’t beat around the bush with her, either. If you say what you need to say, your job is done. Her feelings about it are irrelevant.”
She took a deep breath, and then another, trying to slow her racing heartbeat. It had been one hell of an emotional ride.
“I wanted to speak to you a little more about Lennox. I want our relationship to work. I know we both have had a lot of trauma. What advice can you give me?”
He tapped his fingers on his desk to the sounds of ‘Soul Sista,’ by Bilal. He began to rock back and forth to the music, then lit a fresh cigar.
“Nadia,” he placed the cigar to his lips, puffed, then blew out perfect rings of smoke, “the man you are engaged to comes from the same shit you came from. Dysfunction. Trauma. Lust. That’s why y’all are so powerful and so sexy together… Sex is a demon and an angel. Sex was all over his mother. Sex is all over you. What drew Lennox’s father to his mother was her beauty and natural sultriness. You were created out of lust… Your father was strongly attracted to your mother—so much so that he lied and stole to get her. Now, Lennox’s background is a bit different from yours because there are power dynamics at play in Lennox’s family. Serious ones.
“Yes, that’s true. I have another question. Sometimes I feel like Lennox hides aspects of himself from me. He doesn’t lie about it, per se, but he doesn’t share it. Like, we were friends and he never told me his mother was Lebanese until we linked back up, or that he was from the Wilde family. He even spelled his last name differently to throw people off the trail.”
“Nadia, Lennox feels he has to protect others by not speaking every single truth. Now, I believe if you’d somehow found out back then and asked him directly, he wouldn’t have lied, but no, he wasn’t just going to give up that information. Lennox is a monster and an angel, all rolled into one. Lennox will always be a monster, Nadia, so accept him as he is, but he’ll never turn that monstrous behavior towards you. He knows better, and he has no desire to, anyway. These are just facts. Just as I will always be a sex addict. I can’t change that. My wife accepts it because she loves and trusts me. It’s an unfortunate part of loving a damaged man.”
“How does she deal with that, if you don’t mind me asking?”
He looked at her, smirking, and his eyes sparkled. “I use myself, little bits of my life in therapy sessions, to help make things relatable. I try to steer away from specifics though regarding my private life, especially when it is not explicitly about me.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I thought that—”
“Some days are tough for her. It can be challenging.” He tapped embers into the ashtray. His expression was a bit melancholy as he stared at the ashes. “As a sex addict, I think about sex every day. Think about a drug addict, right? It’s the same thing for me.”
He puffed on his cigar again, and his eyes turned to slits as he briefly looked up at his ceiling. “It doesn’t control me anymore though. Just like in this session. I am sitting here looking at you, a very pretty Black woman. My kryptonite. Lennox has excellent taste,” She smiled at that. “You have amazing lips, beautiful eyes, and some big fuckin’ titties. Trust me, I love me some tig o’l bitties but I am not the least bit sexually aroused.” He said the shit so matter-of-factly, it blew her mind. She believed him.
“Wow…” She laughed.
“It’s true. I make sure I am in the right frame of mind when I’m working, and I’m always a professional. I can discuss sex in depth without becoming overly stimulated. My wife knows I’m faithful despite my compulsions and obsessions. I do not lust after other women because I have control over myself, Nadia. It took me a long time to get here, but many years ago, I arrived. I have trained myself not to respond to outside stimuli in that manner. Now, don’t get it twisted. I do find many women attractive, and always will, I’m human after all, but I do not act inappropriately, and don’t fantasize about fucking other women.