Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 99748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 332(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 99748 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 499(@200wpm)___ 399(@250wpm)___ 332(@300wpm)
With that, she pops a Blue Ball in her mouth. Somehow the gesture gets through to Lucy, who visibly relaxes a notch.
“Are those from the Bakery Box?” Lucy says suddenly, her focus zeroed in on the treat Etta just ate. Before anyone answers, she’s grabbed one and is sitting in a chair, nibbling at the blue-dyed white-chocolate covering like it’s the most delicious thing she’s ever had and glaring around like one of us might rip it from her hand. I swear I can almost see her mind impersonating Gollum . . . my precious. “Mmm, these are so good. I crave them like an addict.” Realizing how that sounds, she widens her eyes in horror. “Not that I . . .”
“We’re all addicted to Daisy’s balls,” Etta assures her. “My sister has a way around the kitchen.” Her pride is obvious and endearing.
I figure I’d better get started before Lucy finishes her treat and makes a run for it. “Ladies, thank you for coming. Like Etta said, we all have some connection to Jed.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lucy place her hand on her round belly.
“Some of us more recently than others,” Chrissy snipes, throwing shade at Lucy.
Lucy returns fire, shooting eye daggers at Chrissy. “Maybe if some of us had a connection with him, he wouldn’t have looked for connections elsewhere.”
This was a horrendously bad idea. They’re less than a blink away from going at each other, and given Chrissy’s recent antics, I’m not sure Lucy is safe. I’ll never forgive myself if she or the baby gets hurt because I invited her here.
Mom is probably the only person who can say this without consequence, so thankfully, she jumps in. “Chrissy, you haven’t liked Jed, much less loved him, in years. So what if someone else is washing his dirty underwear? What do you care?”
Her voice is sharp, piercing through the cattiness.
Etta shudders. “And sucking his balls.” To Lucy, she says genuinely, “I hope for your sake, he’s discovered the art of manscaping after all these years.” She plays at picking at her teeth like she’s got a hair caught between them, tutting. “That’s one of the reasons why I like the younger men. These days, they’re all smooth as a dolphin’s butt.”
Jesse coughs, looking disturbed at the very idea of his aunt with some bare-bodied young stud, and Maggie holds out a glass of tea to him.
He takes the tea gratefully, swallowing a healthy amount. “I’m good. Just gonna pretend the last ten seconds were a fever dream and didn’t actually happen. Carry on.”
He waves a hand at us, specifically at me, begging me to direct this conversation where it needs to go and not to whatever else Etta might share.
“Some connection to Jed—” I repeat louder, gathering everyone’s attention. “He’s my uncle. Mom’s brother-in-law, Etta’s ex-fiancé, Chrissy’s soon-to-be ex-husband, Maggie and Jesse’s soon-to-be ex-boss, and Lucy’s current . . . boyfriend?” I offer, not sure of the title they’re going by.
“Her Jeddie-Weddie,” Jesse reminds me, cringing.
Lucy cuts her eyes to Jesse and then back to us to dramatically hold up her hand, flashing a rock so big, I’m surprised she can lift it without a crane. “Fiancé,” she gloats proudly.
“Girl, we ain’t happy for you,” Etta laughs when Lucy’s brag falls flat. “We feel sorry for you because the next support group meeting is gonna be when Jed’s cheated on you. It’s what he does, because his ego needs all the stroking it can get. And the only thing worse than stroking Jed’s ego is stroking his di—”
I cut her off, “Divorce!” Etta beams triumphantly, and I consider that she’s being outrageous to get me to hurry up with whatever I’ve got planned. Maybe even to take the pressure off me a bit. She’s a skilled people reader as a bartender, so I wouldn’t put it past her. Though the alternative, that she’s enjoying fucking with me, is equally likely. “I mean, I’ve been working on behalf of the city on the Township contract. As part of that process”—I school my face as I lie because what I discovered wasn’t through that deal at all, but I can’t and won’t share that I’ve seen the decree, because that would get myself and Oliver in trouble with the ethics board—“I pulled the tax records for all properties owned by Jed, not only currently but at any time in the last thirty years.”
“Those are public records?” Mom asks. She knows the answer to that question, but is giving me an opportunity to state it for everyone else.
I nod in agreement. “Completely public, available at the tax assessor’s office any day, any time. There’s even a website you can search.”
“The current ones will change as soon as the divorce is final,” Chrissy informs me, as if I don’t understand what a division of assets is.