Total pages in book: 109
Estimated words: 127476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 127476 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 637(@200wpm)___ 510(@250wpm)___ 425(@300wpm)
"Can I ask you something?" I ask my father. He doesn't say anything, but his unchanged expression is as good as permission. "You ever talk to the police about me?"
"Yes."
No bullshit.
No denial.
I laugh bitterly to myself, shaking my head as I look away from him.
"They come around sometimes, asking questions," he says. "I tell them we don't know nothing. I know your reputation, Ignazio, but it's not my business to repeat what I hear. That's between you and your maker."
"You are my maker."
He scoffs. "You know what I mean."
"I know," I mutter, leaning back on my elbows. "So you never considered actually turning me in? You've threatened to a few times."
"I never threatened to turn you in," he counters. "I just protect what's mine. I'm not a coward, Ignazio. You won't harm what I love. But the rest is on you. Has nothing to do with me. I don't seek out trouble. I don't want it. That's why I ask you to stay away."
Nodding, I push off from the steps and get to my feet. "I probably shouldn't be here."
I step down, stopping in front of him.
"Is there a reason you're asking me that?"
I consider just walking away, but what the hell? I need to get it off my chest, and his opinion of me certainly can't get worse. My father won't hold back and maybe, I think, the brutal honesty is what I need.
"Karissa, the woman I was with that day..."
"Johnny and Carmela's kid?"
"Yes," I say. "She went to the police."
"She rat on you?"
"She swears she didn't."
"And you don't believe her?"
"I don't know."
He stands there for a moment before taking a seat exactly where I'd just vacated. "Now answer me something, Ignazio... you say this girl knows the kind of person you are? That she knows the history between you and her parents?"
"Yes."
"And she swears she didn't rat on you?"
"Yes."
"Why?"
That question makes me stumble. "Why what?"
"Why didn't she rat on you?" he asks. "Seems to me she has all the reason in the world to. We protect what we love. So why didn't she rat on you?"
"That's a good question."
"Why'd she talk to them? What was her explanation?"
"She told them Carmela attacked me."
His eyes widen with surprise. "She ratted on her mother?"
"So she says," I respond. "Says she thought it was the perfect solution to keep us all safe, but she risked herself doing it. Who's going to protect her now?"
"You." He says it with no hesitation. "Like I said, we protect what we love."
"I'm not sure I can do it."
"Come on, Ignazio. You're a lot of things, things I don't like, but I was always proud of your courage. You didn't get my integrity, but you got my guts. Seems to me if anyone can protect her, it would be you."
"But Ray—"
He cuts me off with the bitterest laugh I've ever heard, the kind that tightens my chest.
"Raymond Angelo," he says, shaking his head. "Never liked that guy. Don't like who he is, don't like what he turned you into."
"He didn't turn me into anything."
"Didn't he?" he counters. "Way I see it, he created this demon... created it, and fears it, with the way he tries to keep you under his thumb. But you don't owe him anything. It doesn't matter what Angelo thinks or what he wants. You got that girl into this mess."
"I didn't—"
"You did," he says, a hard edge to his voice. "She wouldn't be in this situation if not for you. You carry some of the blame. And if something bad happens to her, you'll carry that blame, too. I raised you to be a man. A man. Not this."
He waves his hands my way to prove his point.
"But there are rules," I say, "rules we follow."
"Bullshit," he says. "You think someone like Raymond Angelo respects rules? He makes it all up as he goes to suit his own needs. Because that's all he cares about: himself. He doesn't care about this neighborhood or these people, and he doesn't care about you. You think these police don't care? Take a look at who's around you, because they don't care, either."
Months ago, I would've come to Ray's defense, but I don't have it in me at the moment. My silence doesn't slip past my father, who laughs to himself as he climbs to his feet. Without saying goodbye, he starts to walk away, making it a few feet before turning back to me.
"You want some advice, Ignazio?"
Hesitating, I nod.
"People make mistakes. They do things sometimes that you don't like, that you wouldn't do. But that doesn't mean you should give up on them, that you should write them off. Because nobody is hopeless as long as they're still breathing."
"That's good advice."
"It's something your mothers been telling me for years," he says. "I haven't been able to listen, myself, but maybe you'll prove to be a better man than me."
"Unlikely."
He laughs. "Yeah, you're right. But Ignazio? Make your choice, not Angelo's. Because I guarantee Angelo's choice only benefits him."
I stand there, watching as he disappears down the street. Once he's gone, I head toward my car, wanting to be gone before my mother wakes. I drive back toward Brooklyn, considering my father's words.
What would I do if it were my choice?
I'd do everything in my power to make Karissa happy. I'd walk through fire, burn every broken bridge and sever every tainted tie to give the woman what she deserves. I'd give her the world, not take it away. I'd protect her life, not end it.
If it were my choice, I'd say fuck Ray.
Fuck his rules.
Fuck his plans.
The sun is starting to rise when I make it to my neighborhood, a strange sort of resolve settling through me, like my choice has been made without me even having to make it.
Like there wasn't even a choice at all.
My father was right, as much as I hate to admit it.
I feel relief, but the sensation doesn't last. The second my house comes into sight, my stomach bottoms out, my insides plunging.