Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
But as usual, Rebecca escapes without a scratch on her. She can still practice her evil and call it faith. She can still shame and hurt and even kill others, but she’ll call it justice. She might even pretend to be sad about it.
My teeth grind together painfully when I imagine her putting on her fake sadness and regret. Even when I was a kid, I knew there was something wrong with it. There was something cold and empty in her eyes. I knew she didn’t mean anything she said—at least, not the nice, loving stuff. It was all an act. And I used to look around and wonder how I could be the only person who understood. I would even wonder if there was something wrong with me.
But I get it now. When you get older, you talk yourself into things. You make excuses for people. And that’s when shit gets all muddied up.
I made excuses for Scarlet. I told myself and River that she would understand. Yeah, she was a little hesitant because she had never been part of that world. She had never seen all of that stuff with her own eyes. So, yeah, of course, she would be nervous and skeptical.
River was right. She was never going to understand. Only he understood, and now he’s gone, too. I lost both of them.
What is there to live for now? The question echoes in my head as I flop onto the messy bed. I’ve kept the Do Not Disturb sign on the doorknob, so there hasn’t been a maid in here to clean the place up. Not that it really matters. Most of the time I’ve been sleeping, if I wasn’t ordering room service. It’s not worth having somebody come in here and disturb my peace.
Besides, it’s not like I have anywhere else to go while they do the cleaning. I don’t trust the streets now. I know there are still recruiters for New Haven lurking around. There always are, always watching for the next victim. I don’t need any of them recognizing me. I’m basically a prisoner—comfortable, fed, but a prisoner.
This is one of those crossroad moments. I feel it. I have a decision to make. I can waste whatever is left of my life in this hotel room with nowhere else to go and no one to turn to, or I can at least take out as many of Rebecca’s army as possible before somebody inevitably puts me out of my misery. We didn’t come this far or make so many sacrifices for things to end here.
It’s not like I have anything else to lose.
Once I make up my mind, my body takes over for me, and I don’t have to do much thinking while I get my shit together to leave the hotel once and for all. I’m on a mission, and nothing is going to get in my way. Never again.
It’s fully dark by the time I step out into the dry air outside the hotel. I don’t have to think about my route to the compound. River and I went through the plans enough that the map is practically etched into my brain. Burned into it the way my need for revenge burned its way into me so long ago, I can’t remember exactly when it started.
Scarlet’s face flashes in my mind’s eye, but I push it out of the way. I can’t think about her now, not when there’s so much else I need to focus on. Like how this could be the end for me. There is a small part of me that wishes I could talk to my parents one more time, to Luna, but I’m sure Xander and Q will have them all against me by now. They have that power. If you’re one of them, on their side, they’re the best friend you ever had. If not? They’re your worst nightmare. No, I’m more sure than ever this is the only way. I have to end it here, now.
That means driving alone. I’m almost glad it’s ending like this. I’m tired of carrying everything around inside. The memories, the ugliness, the loneliness. Even when things were good, and I had Q and my family and all that, there was always something missing. Wrong. I’m too broken—you don’t come back from the kind of shit River and I went through without scars. That’s all I am. A bunch of scars. River tried to warn me about that, too. He told me nobody would understand. Luna was luckily too young to remember any of it. That’s why he was the only person who would ever be on my side through everything, good and bad. And there I was, thinking I knew better.
Whatever happens tonight, I deserve it.
There’s a pit of dread in my stomach when I roll up to what’s probably the closest I can get to the compound without being discovered. I park behind what’s left of the old gas station, not far from the compound, and go the rest of the way on foot. The pressure of two pistols against my back reminds me what this is all about. What the stakes are. I withdraw one of them and keep it close to my side as every step takes me closer to the place we were supposed to take down together, me and River. The lights set up around the compound make the razor wire gleam orange against an inky sky. I keep close to the brush lining the chain-link fence, hiding in the shadows.