Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 371(@200wpm)___ 297(@250wpm)___ 247(@300wpm)
I wonder if I’ve said too much, but I also know Xander must pay her enough to keep everything confidential.
Dr. Stone clears her throat before whispering, “Are you not scared he’ll still do something to you?” She suddenly looks nervous, as if she is worried she overstepped an invisible boundary.
“If he wanted to hurt me, he would have already done so. He only keeps me in here to keep me away from his daughter. And I don’t blame him, knowing what I know now. Until I can control River, I don’t want to be anywhere near Scarlet.”
“You worry about her?”
“Yes. River doesn’t like her, and I’m worried he will hurt her.”
“Has he hurt her before?”
“Not physically… at least I don’t think so.”
“And how do you feel about that?”
“At first I was mad at him, but now I have to come to terms with the realization that I am him.” I want to talk to Scarlet so bad. I need to know what exactly I said to her when I was River. What did I do to my angel?
“I don’t want you to feel guilty about what you do when you are River. You have no control over that part of yourself yet.”
“But River is part of me, so if I hurt her, she looked into my eyes when I did. It was me who said hurtful things to her.”
“Scarlet doesn’t seem to hold it against you, and neither should you. There are other, more important parts you need to deal with right now.”
Placing my elbows on my knees, I lean forward slightly. “And what would those be?”
“We need to get to the bottom of your trauma. We need to go where everything started.”
“That’s going to be a problem because I don’t remember.”
“Tell me what you do remember from your childhood. The time before you were adopted.”
I suck in a deep breath as I straighten my spine. This is not something I like to recall. I don’t remember much about Safe Haven but what I do remember is not good.
“It was just my sister Luna and I. We didn’t have parents. We lived in this compound with people we didn’t know. People that didn’t care much about us.”
“Did they hurt you?”
“Corporal punishment was a daily occurrence, yes.” I’ll never forget the sharp pain of the belt on my back or the sound the whip made when it split my skin. “I got used to it after a while.”
“Just because you are used to something doesn’t make it less painful,” Dr. Stone says, her voice full of emotions. She feels sorry for me, and I hate it. She should feel sorry for the people I’m going to kill.
I shrug. “I could handle the pain.”
She doesn’t look convinced. “I would like to do a little exercise with you if you are up for it. Some inner child work, but only if you are comfortable. If you feel like you can’t handle it at any time, just let me know, and we’ll stop.”
“Sure,” I agree. “I’ll try it.”
“Great!” Dr. Stone slaps her hands together in excitement. “Why don’t you lie down and get comfortable? Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths.”
I do as suggested and lie back on my cot, closing my eyes and sucking in a few calming breaths.
“Now I want you to imagine you are somewhere you feel safe and calm.”
My thoughts drift to my parents’ house. The first place I felt safe and loved. Unlike Safe Haven, my adopted parents didn’t believe in corporal punishment. They never raised their hand to us. I didn’t have to protect Luna or myself.
“Now I want you to imagine yourself as a child, standing in front of you in that safe place. I want you to imagine yourself before your family adopted you. Whatever age you were when you still lived at the compound and had to endure corporal punishments.”
A little boy appears in front of me. Large, fearful eyes yearning for love looking up at me.
“How does he seem? What does he look like?”
“He looks scared, and also a bit angry that no adult is there to love him and keep him safe. He feels… abandoned.” I remember the feeling very well. “Alone and frightened, but ready to protect Luna at all costs.”
“It sounds like you have always been a protector, first Luna and now Scarlet. That’s a lot to take on for one person.”
“I can handle it.”
“I believe you can, but can that little boy you are looking at? Can he handle it?”
In my mind, the little boy shakes his head. My heart aches for him… for that part of myself. “I don’t think so, but he had to.” He had to endure way more than any child should.
“If you feel like you can, you could tell that boy that he is not alone anymore. You can tell him it’s not his fault and that you understand his pain.”