Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
I noticed James, seated in the chair propped against the adjacent wall, eyeing me uneasily. He must’ve known that as devastated as I was about Tex’s state, the situation opened another deep wound, the one that never healed. Although, since I’d started seeing a therapist, I’d learned more could be repaired than I’d once believed.
Ms. Eiken introduced herself to my aunt and uncle, then set the paper bag on the table, pulled out plastic utensils and small plates, and cut us slices of cake. I saved mine for after I finished the Asian fusion James had brought me. I recalled my tension about Kendra when James would first talk to me about her, and as she chatted with my aunt, relaxing her through this tough time, I had to face the truth: this was a good woman. It made sense she’d gravitated to a guy like James.
There was something else that lingered in the air, but it didn’t come up until Ms. Eiken left.
“You think I should try calling her again?” Cheri asked. She didn’t have to qualify who as she looked at me, as disheartened as I’d ever seen her. As innocent as she was in it all, a part of me hated that she’d suggested it again.
Because it reminded me of the hurt.
The rejection.
Not just of me, but of Tex, this man who’d never been anything but good to our family—good enough to take in the kid they refused to raise.
“I’ll do it.” I gritted my teeth and pushed to my feet.
I could see the concern in her expression, Mel’s and James’s too. I didn’t want to make a goddamn production of it, so I headed out of the waiting area.
I’d texted her when it happened. Cheri had made a few attempts to call, leaving messages that went unreturned.
I didn’t want to be around my family or James when I called, but I didn’t think she’d answer, so I went ahead and did it right outside the door.
Waiting.
And waiting.
Of course she’s not going to pick up.
I hated myself, because no matter how many times I iterated that thought or a similar one, it didn’t keep me from wishing, hoping to hear her voice again.
It was that final moment of silence after the last ring, just before the voice mail—a familiar sound to me by then—that said everything.
And the tears fell.
Of course she didn’t. What did you think was going to happen, you fucking idiot?
I positioned myself toward the wall to keep anyone passing by from seeing my tears, but James stepped out of the waiting area.
Something about him seeing me, knowing what I was about to do when I left, made me lose it. I threw an arm around him, crying against his chest.
Fuck me.
I heard James chatting with someone nearby, I figured a nurse or PA. I would have tried to pull myself together, but I was lost in a sea of grief. He guided me down the hall, and I wasn’t really sure what was happening until I noticed we were in an empty patient room. I appreciated that he’d managed to spare me from total humiliation.
“It’s okay, Kyle. I’m here.”
I just spit it out, because I couldn’t keep it all to myself, not anymore. “She didn’t pick up. I knew she wouldn’t.”
He rested his hand on the back of my head, the way he had done so many times, but not even that touch could save me from the despair.
“I fucking hate her so much…but she’s my mother.”
“I’m so sorry, Kyle.”
“No matter what happens, no matter how much I tell myself I didn’t do anything wrong, there’s this part of me that keeps screaming, Why…why did you fucking abandon me? Why did you let him tear us apart? I know she thinks I betrayed her by leaving, but she betrayed me too.” Like all the other things I’d attempted to tell myself, one thought always remained, and I couldn’t help but spit it out. “What did I do wrong?”
“You didn’t do anything wrong.”
His words fell on deaf ears.
I struggled to look at him, hoping his face might help me feel better. “Some days I think I could have done it. I could have taken it. I could have done it to stay with her, to protect her. I could have stayed until he fucking killed me. But then I think that might have been my only other way out. What did I do?”
“Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Kyle, your parents have issues. They’re trapped in their own dark world, and you’re lucky to have gotten out. I don’t ever want to hear you say that you’d rather have stayed, because what would that have meant for Tex? Or Taryn? Or Ben? Or me? You didn’t deserve that. You deserve people who can love you in a healthy way.”