Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
“Since when did you start running low on self-esteem?”
“Since you tasted my tortilla and didn’t lose your fucking mind.”
As he always managed to do, he got me laughing.
“Fine,” he said, annoyed. “I’m going to take these away and get you some from the fridge.”
He took my plate like he was going to snatch it from me, but I seized it and confessed. “No, no. These might very easily be the best tortillas I’ve ever had. You are some kind of tortilla god. Is that what you want to hear?”
He smirked but then frowned. “Now I’m a little disappointed I haven’t been called a god in other areas yet.”
“Trust me, Kyle, you’re a god in any area I’ve seen…and felt.”
“And I can’t wait to show you the god I am in even more areas.” He winked, taking another bite of his fajita, grabbing the tortilla with his hand and shoving it right into his mouth as I cut a slice of mine. He had a thick chunk of meat in his mouth when he said, “So…”
By the tone of his voice and the awkwardness in how he dragged it out, I didn’t have to be psychic to know what he meant. And for some reason, I didn’t feel like he was about to spit out a joke like he usually would have.
I just threw it out there: “Is this the part where we have that awkward conversation where we figure out what the hell we’re going to do about this?”
It took him a minute to finish chewing and swallowing. “Yeah, that’s the one.”
“Well, we would have gotten there sooner or later.” As we sat there, facing off against the fears that had been mounting since the night before, I decided it was best to be honest. “I keep running through all the reasons why this is a terrible idea. I see the consequences, and I see the worst like it’s a premonition.”
I teared up as I spoke the words because of how it all haunted me in the moment. It was strange how we could go from having such a good time to everything bubbling up at once, to the point where it was fucking overwhelming.
He pushed out of his seat and approached me, putting his arm around my shoulder. “I know, James. I see it too.”
“I don’t want to ruin my life,” I spat out, turning my gaze to him. I could see the fear in his eyes, but I was quick to help soothe it with the truth: “But I don’t want to lose this either.”
He pulled me into his chest, and tears rushed from my eyes.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this,” I muttered.
“I know, James,” he iterated.
If only I’d never fallen that first day. If only I’d never assigned extra credit…or been nearly mugged. If only I’d never mentioned H4H to him. But no matter how many times I told myself I would have been better off never having had those experiences, what the hell was the point to a life where I never knew Kyle Forsythe?
“Trust me,” he went on, “this was the last place I ever thought any of this would lead. But you don’t have to figure it out by yourself.” He kissed my forehead. Closing my eyes, I enjoyed the sensation of sweet relief as it moved through me.
He moved down, kissing my right eye, then my left.
I took a breath and pulled back, looking into his sincere gaze.
It startled me how familiar that side of him had become to me, snuck up on me. At the beginning of the semester, I had grown accustomed to his scowl, his almost sinister-looking face. All those hard edges he kept around him to guard himself from the world, but there was this softer side of him, a side I felt he reserved for so few, and I was lucky enough to be one of those few.
“We’ll sort this out,” he whispered. “But just know, if anything you’re considering involves me keeping my hands off you, that’s not going to work for me.”
“I could lose my job. My reputation. My dream. Go to prison.” Even as I said the words, though, I knew I’d already accepted that before we’d touched. And I’d crossed that line anyway. “I’ve always been so good at playing by the rules, and I finally have too good a reason not to.”
“We just have to be careful. I’ll never come up to the house. I’ll sneak in like I have been. Nothing has to change outside of that.”
“Everything’s going to change, Kyle.”
“Everything’s already changed.” He kissed me again.
He was right.
Because before Kyle, there was only pain and hurt. And after him…it was like I’d just learned how to really breathe for the first time.
In a dark world of so much despair, I found a speck of light. Even if it dimmed or faded…or was cut off, to know it had existed for any stretch of time was better than the alternative.