Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 88078 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88078 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Our family dynamics were so odd; I wondered sometimes how the outside world saw us.
Me, Bram, Alex, Trevor, and Ellie and Mike’s other son Henry had all grown up together since we were kids. We acted, looked, and felt like cousins even though our appearances were so different. Over the years, we’d even picked up facial expressions from our parents that strengthened the similarities. Shane and Anita, though, had come in when most of us were almost grown. They were considered ours, but they didn’t share our history or have the same type of bond—which was probably a good thing considering the fact that Shane had gotten me pregnant, and Anita and Bram…I didn’t even know what the hell to say about them. Something was going on between them, just below the surface, but neither of them talked about it.
Anita shifted beside me, and I wanted to scream at her to leave me alone. I didn’t want to feel her moving or hear her murmuring to Bram. I wanted to be nothing. I wanted to find my blank spot and stay there so that my chest didn’t feel like it was breaking open each time I inhaled. If not for the baby nestled below my heart, I’m not sure what I would have done to find that place.
“What the fuck do you want?” Bram’s voice rumbled from somewhere below the bed. He must have been sitting on the floor, but I didn’t bother to open my eyes to check. It didn’t matter. None of it mattered. “Fuck you, douchebag,” Bram said. He needed to go away if he was going to talk on the phone.
“Not as easy as you thought to take a kid from the only mother he’s ever known, huh?” Bram said nastily.
“Bram, is that Shane?” my mom asked in confusion.
Bile rose in my throat, and I tried valiantly to swallow it back down. Oh God, I couldn’t breathe. Bram nodded, and my throat closed up.
“Hold on,” Bram ordered into the phone. “Katiebear, Shane’s on the phone.”
“What’s wrong?” I choked out, uncovering my head. I’d been lying there so long that my arm was completely numb and I could barely move it.
“He said Gunner’s upset, and he can’t get him calmed down,” Bram said, pushing himself up off the floor.
I didn’t even realize I was crying until I nodded and the air hit the wet spots on my cheeks. “Hey, Dad,” I said, my voice hoarse, “can you grab my guitar for me?”
I pushed awkwardly against the mattress and sat up with Ani’s help as my dad opened up my guitar case in the corner. I only knew of one way that Gunner would settle down so late at night. Inhaling a shaky breath, I dug my fingertips into my eyes, trying to control the feeling of helplessness. My baby was crying for me, and I couldn’t hold him or rub his back—but this, I could do this.
“Ask him to put the phone on speaker, okay?” I said to Bram, my voice catching on the last word. My belly went hard as a rock and pain hit me with the force of a sledgehammer as I took the guitar from my dad and rested it on my thighs. I breathed through my nose for a minute as I pretended to get situated. I could barely reach the strings with my massive belly in the way. “Put yours on speaker, too, brother,” I said, watching as Bram nodded and hit the SPEAKERPHONE button before setting his phone on the bed.
An involuntary whimper left my throat as the sound of my crying boys filled the room. It wasn’t just Gunner. Gavin was crying, too.
“Hey, monkey,” I called out above the noise, my voice breaking. “Gunner? Gavin? Where are my monkeys?”
Slowly the noise through the speaker decreased.
“Annie?” Gunner cried. Oh God, he sounded scared.
“Hey, baby,” I said, lifting my hand to cover my eyes. If I didn’t see the room I was in, maybe I could pretend they were right there with me. “Why are you crying, huh?”
“Annie,” Gunner whined.
“You have to sit quiet, okay?” I called, my hands shaking. “Gavin, you ready?”
“Yeah.” Gavin’s voice came through shrill.
“Are Keller and Sage there?”
“Yeah.”
I began strumming Gunner’s favorite song and shuddered as the little voices went silent. I almost stopped again just so I could hear them. Closing my eyes again, I started to sing. My voice was deeper than normal, raspy and breaking, but it didn’t matter. My stomach tightened and my breath caught at the sharp pain that seemed to be pulsing between my hips, making my shoulders curve inward as my body began to shake, but I still didn’t stop singing.
Those were contractions, I thought as the pain started to ebb. I’m going into labor.
All of a sudden, Sage’s voice came through the speaker, high and clear, singing along with the chorus. My chin hit my chest as I tried not to sob. Labor could wait.