Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 135792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Liv stilled, his eyes dark with thought rather than arousal. “No, but… it’s gonna be only you and me now. I know you might not believe me, because I haven’t always been the best boyfriend to my girlfriends, but the way I feel about you is… different. It’s more. I can’t disappoint you again. I just can’t.”
Knox stroked his warm face, filled with so much tenderness he could barely breathe. “You won’t. You… I had a real meltdown about the hospital, and you were there for me. I know we supported each other in one way or another for a long time, but it feels different now. I want to be an anchor for you, so that you know you belong to me, and you’ll always have me.”
Liv’s Adam’s apple rolled up and down, and he took a loud inhale, squeezing Knox’s hand with more force, but his eyes lost focus, as if he were miles away. “It’s just… difficult. I’m less self-conscious around girls, I guess. A nurse once told me that men who have sex problems usually prefer talking to a woman doctor, and I kind of see why. Around guys, even with you, I have this need to always be the top dog. To never express it when I’m feeling down. Maybe I am a bit worried about losing that safety net.”
Knox swallowed and after a moment of hesitation, stroked the back of Liv’s head. “You don’t have to always be so tough around me. I kinda… it’s hard to adjust to this change in our relationship, but I like being sweeter with you. It’s a relief. I want you to feel that too. Who else are you gonna talk to, if not me?”
Liv’s chest expanded as he looked away, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling of their trailer. Someone seemed to have made little holes in it a long time ago. “But won’t it eventually… start putting you off? I can see you like it when I’m very—”
Knox chuckled and cuddled up to Liv as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “Yeah, it’s hot, and it turns me on that you’re so butch, but you don’t have to be that non-stop. I like that you’re such a dumbass sometimes, and I like cheering you up when you’re grumpy over stupid shit. I can only come a few times a day, you know?” He laughed and kissed Liv’s pec. “Let me take care of you sometimes. Let me be… the man. Gender roles, blah blah, but you know what I mean.”
Liv roared with laughter. “‘Gender roles’? Oh, you’ve been on many websites I never visit,” he said but leaned in to kiss Knox’s forehead.
Knox groaned and rolled his eyes. “It’s Ezra. He talks about that kind of shit sometimes. I’m trying to learn, okay?”
Liv laughed even harder. “I just find it funny that you claimed to hate gay people a month ago.”
Knox rolled his forehead over Liv’s chest with a groan. “Rub it in. I deserve that. I don’t know. Maybe deep down I knew men excited me, and I was scared of it. My dad drilled into me how wrong that would be. But the trailer park or my gym buddies weren’t all that gay-friendly either.”
Liv shook his head before breaking into a seductive grin. “You’ll be getting on your knees as penance for a looong time.”
Knox laughed and pinched Liv’s nipple. “Oh no… such terrible punishment! Seriously though… sure, I wish I knew earlier, but I do really regret saying the things I did around people. There could have been someone like me around, in the closet, or just unsure, and me spewing shit might have felt terrible for them.” His eyes started itching in a way he knew all too well, and he gave Liv’s arm a playful punch. “Fuck. You’re making me cry again. Jeez.”
Liv’s face was an unreadable mask, but then, after stalling for several seconds, he shifted on the bed and laid his head on Knox’s chest, then took hold of his wrist and brought it to his hair, oddly tense.
Knox hugged Liv with his aching arm while stroking his hair with the other, his heart filled with love and tenderness. It was strange and new to do this for Liv, but he embraced it like a bear getting a lick of honey. He wanted for Liv to feel safe with him. Being Liv's refuge wouldn't be just Knox's pleasure but also an honor. This man protected him, had uprooted his whole life for him, and offered him things Knox never even dreamed of. So yes, he would listen, and comfort him, and never ever judge him for moments of weakness.
And Knox already knew he’d be learning to cook better. And not just in the sense of expanding his barbeque repertoire. He’d make sandwiches, and cake, and, like, even fucking soup.