Total pages in book: 145
Estimated words: 135792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 135792 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 679(@200wpm)___ 543(@250wpm)___ 453(@300wpm)
He’d been cooked for sometimes, yes, but usually it felt like the thing to do, or an excuse to keep him for longer. This? Knox’s uncertain smiles and curious glances told him that he really did want to make sure Liv was okay and make him feel good first thing in the morning. Used to constant rivalry between men, Liv did not expect this kind of care from another dude, and it confused him as much as it pleased him.
After all, Knox was right—they were in this together, and it wasn’t like Liv could get drunk, eat some pussy at one of the neighboring trailers and then pour out his soul to a woman who wouldn’t remember any of it the next day anyway.
And Knox was not his opponent. The two of them were on the same team, so maybe if they’d changed their relationship, other rules were not immovable either?
Lost in thought, Liv ate the pancakes as words spun in his head.
“Maybe we could…” Knox started between one bite and another. “Think about dividing who likes to do what, or something. I dunno.”
Dividing what?
Liv’s thoughts were too much of a mess to follow that abstract train of thought as Vlad grew in his head, this time breaking it from the inside.
“I was actually dreaming about that night when I—” He stalled, seeking Knox’s gaze as dread settled in again, convincing him he’d never again be free of what had happened.
Knox’s attention was on him in an instant, and he scooted closer. “Oh. Okay…” He put his hand on Liv’s knee in silent support.
Liv sighed, regretting that he hadn’t just let it go. “Look, I don’t want you to be my agony aunt. It’s fine.”
Knox squeezed his knee. “No. Tell me. That night was… It was a fucking shitshow. I still think about it too. What was the dream?”
Liv watched him, increasingly tense, but when Knox didn’t falter, he exhaled and took a large gulp of coffee. “I killed you instead of Vlad, and I wanted to go to you, but then he appears and beats me to death. The end,” he said and raised the cup, as if he were toasting. “Kinda fucked up.”
But Knox put away his plate and pushed closer to hug him, wrapping his arms under Liv’s. It was as if the sex had opened a door to a kind of intimacy they’d never shared before, and it was both unnerving and soothing.
“Liv… I’m so sorry. If I had a dream about you dying I’d probably, like, throw up.” He laughed to lighten the mood, but never let go of Liv. His arms were warm and somehow both firm and soft, inviting him to relax as the scent of the breakfast reminded Liv that reality, at least in this moment, was quite sweet.
“Yeah, but you’re alive, and Vlad really is dead, and whenever I have this dream, I wake up wondering if I could have done something differently, you know? Just knocked him out instead of... what I did.”
Knox sighed and kissed his ear, sending a shiver all the way to Liv’s heart. “He was waving that machete around. He’d already cut me by then. The next slash could have been worse. And still, you didn’t stab him, you pushed him. That could have ended in many different ways. But it is what it is. He was a piece of shit and he doesn’t deserve the space in your mind.”
“He also had a family, and they lost him. Can they make it without him?” Liv mumbled, melting into Knox’s arms. He didn’t like sharing his worries or negative feelings with Knox, who had a heart issue and too many things on his plate to bother with Liv’s petty bullshit. But for once he decided to let go, because the burden in his heart didn’t feel any lighter than it had been as they sunk the body in the reservoir.
Knox pulled back enough to meet his eyes. Was this really something Liv could have on top of getting to fuck the prettiest guy he knew? All this care and comfort?
“Liv. Didn’t his wife leave his ass because he beat her? He’d harassed several people, and was a loan shark. I’m sure a lot of people are glad he’s gone.”
Behind the door to the office, someone moved in the workshop, so Liv exhaled and dug into the food to stuff his face.
“You’re right, that happened.”
“He was a shitstain and you know it! Why would you be sorry for him?”
“I’m not sorry for him, but now I’m a murderer, and that’s that.”
Knox shook his head. “It was an accident. Maybe he shouldn’t have been waving that machete around.” He put his hands on Liv’s cheeks. “You’re a good person, okay?”
The insistence in his voice trickled all the way to Liv’s chest, soothing the ache that had been throbbing inside it since the night they needed to leave their home behind. Liv wasn’t so sure. He'd broken a lot of hearts, he occasionally sold drugs to people who should not buy them anymore, and had stolen a thing or two, but there was a hard line between all that and taking another person’s life, even someone as violent and evil as Vlad.