Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 140742 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 704(@200wpm)___ 563(@250wpm)___ 469(@300wpm)
While I’d been solely focused on grades and hockey all through high school, Mal had been a wild child, sneaking out and getting high. If I couldn’t get through to my little sister then, I don’t know how my mother thought I’d be able to change her ways when she was a twenty-three-year-old woman. Besides, they were here, while I was focused on my career two thousand miles away. I wouldn’t point that out though. Not while they were in the thick of it.
“Finneas, answer me!” my mother bellows.
“I knew about it, but I didn’t know this. And you know I couldn’t dictate what she did.” I pick up a pile of pages that have been stapled together and frown as I go through them.
“That’s her gratitude journal,” Mom says, her voice shaking. “The police are saying…” She licks her cracked lips. “They’re saying she could have done this to herself.”
My chest squeezes. I don’t want to believe that, but my mother’s right. We failed her. I push the thought away. No. She wouldn’t have. Someone did this to her. Someone knows what happened.
“You need to rest,” Dad says, standing and walking over to her. “Let’s get you the medicine the doctor gave you.”
“No!” she yells, her delicate fists hitting Dad’s chest as he wraps his arms around her. “We failed her, Rick. We promised we’d take care of her and we failed that little girl! Oh, God. She told me I was too hard on her. I should’ve listened.”
“I’ll need to call Jerry and figure something out. I don’t think Mallory would want everyone finding out about this.”
I stare at them as they leave the dining room. Of course, he’s already thinking about ways to make this disappear. God forbid the Barlow name is tarnished in any way. I sigh and go back to the pages. None of the journal entries have dates, and she didn’t seem to write more than one or two sentences.
I’m thankful for the air I breathe.
I’m thankful for the roof over my head.
I’m thankful for my new best friend, Joss, and for her family. They feel more like a family than mine ever have.
That one gives me pause. I move a little faster as I read them.
Joss invited me to Titus’ bday dinner. I almost felt guilty telling my dad I wouldn’t spend his bday with him, but they’ll be on their yacht in Martinique. I doubt they’ll notice.
He picked me up today. He promised not to say anything to Joss, so I’m grateful for that.
I messed up again. He fixed it though. So glad to have him.
I want out. I want OUUUTTTT of all of this.
The bday dinner was strange. There were so many people there but he still kept looking at me across the table. Everyone was talking about Dame leaving college for the NHL next year so they were busy, but still.
Mom brought it up again. The matchmaking thing. I hate it. I hate them.
OMG! Joss’ boyfriend is the WORST. I hope she opens her eyes and sees it. So thankful for her. She’s a good soul.
I told him I want to stop. Stop or come clean. I can’t do this to Joss anymore. He reminded me I was the one who started it. I hate this.
I saw him again tonight. He took me to a secluded farm and we lay on the bed of his truck. I love the way he makes me feel. FML.
There’s a spot in their yard that the cameras can’t get to. It’s become our secret cove when I go over and ‘go to the bathroom.’ I hate myself so much. I know I need to stop.
I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop.
I want to tell someone about this but I can’t do that to T. Olivia saw us together but she was drunk out of her mind so I doubt she’ll remember.
I really want out. Of here. If I can’t see them I won’t want them.
I flip to the last page.
We’re meeting at Onyx. I fucked up last week and gave everyone a scare, so J is forcing me to take her w/me. She says she’ll drive me and wait for me to finish. I really don’t want her to be there. I feel like the worst person in the world.
I haven’t heard from Josslyn since that night at Onyx. It’s what I always demand from women, but most of the time, they go out of their way to “coincidentally” run into me. Not that Joss could’ve done that even if she wanted, as I’ve only been back twice since that night. Still, I thought she’d call or text, or maybe ask Mal about me. Then again, she was a busy girl and very much sought-after. The thought of what she’s been up to all these years … of who she’s been with … makes my mood sour. I wasn’t planning to reach out to her, but after reading these, it looks like I’ll have to. I pull out my phone and call my cousin first.