Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 71348 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71348 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
I continue to get the low down on my medical condition. Listening half-heartedly, I know there’s not a damn thing I can do to change circumstances.
A doctor comes in and checks me over. He says if I do well overnight, I can go home tomorrow.
A nursing assistant comes later and takes my vitals.
Lunch arrives, and my mom has to help feed me because I’m still groggy and awkward with my busted arm.
A nurse brings pain meds, and I have no choice but to nap.
When I wake up, my parents are still there.
Rachel never returns.
CHAPTER 24
Rachel
I sit in the stiff plastic chair directly across from Bodie’s bed. My ass went numb a long time ago, and I don’t need to look at the clock to know I’ve been here for almost six hours. Bodie didn’t even see me when the nurse came in around three AM to check his vitals. He woke up, but was groggy. I sat in the shadows in the corner of his room and just watched. By the time the nurse shot me a smile and walked out, he was out and snoring again.
I just watched him.
For hours.
Watched his chest rise, up and down. Slow and steady.
It was the most beautiful thing ever.
The room is starting to lighten with the approaching sunrise. I should take the opportunity while he’s still sleeping to go down and get some hot tea and maybe a bagel. I’m going to need the fuel today since I’ve had almost zero sleep the last four days.
And yet, I can’t seem to make myself leave. He could wake up, and I don’t want him to see an empty room. I want him to see me.
Here for him.
My phone vibrates where it sits on my thigh. It’s from Estelle. Everything going okay?
I quickly text back, He’s still sleeping. I’ll let you know when he’s awake.
Estelle and Geo are staying at a hotel rather than at Bodie’s house, which is out of the way. They left after Bodie had fallen asleep last night. Estelle had texted me as much. She was very much aware I had left without a word and not returned throughout the day. My message was clear to everyone, even though I wasn’t trying to send one. I was just trying to process feelings, and I think she knows that. I wonder if she explained that to Bodie to reassure him.
I didn’t come back to the hospital until almost midnight. Prior to that, I’d been sitting in my dark living room, alternately looking at the photo of Bodie and me and staring at the opposite wall that was barely lit by moonlight through the window.
My eyes carefully roam over Bodie as he sleeps. It might be the millionth time I’ve done it since I came back to the hospital. I can’t see it, but I know there is a gauze bandage on the back of his head covering some staples. Throughout the night, he’s been shifting around, clearly uncomfortable from the elbow injury. He would grimace in his sleep. Sometimes, he’d mutter obscenities. Once, I even heard him say my name.
I wanted to run up to his bed, shake him awake, and tell him I was here. My name on his lips filled me with warmth—as if a sunbeam had been shining down upon me. Even in his drug-induced sleep, Bodie was thinking about me.
It felt almost as good as when Bodie first woke up in the hospital bed. There’s just no word in the English language that can adequately describe the emotions I felt upon seeing his eyes open. It was the first time since this nightmare started that I felt true confidence he would be okay. Even though I had known for more than forty hours that Bodie was alive, safe, and would have a good recovery from his injuries, it never seemed real until he woke up.
Relief and joy was what I had expected to feel. But in those moments after his eyes fluttered open, all the pain and grief I had been feeling when Kynan first told me he was missing came flooding back. All I could do was stare down at him, wanting to hate him for making me love him, and wanting to hate Kynan for sending him into danger. Mostly I wanted to hate myself for falling so hard for him.
Of course, it was ludicrous to think those thoughts, and I know I was beyond irrational. All I could seem to focus on was that it was the very reason why it was better to be alone. It kept playing over and over that it was why I never bothered with relationships. They were too hard. The stakes were too high. The risk was too great. The pain was unbearable when it didn’t work out.
I’m so ashamed of myself, but I couldn’t stand to even look at him anymore. Bodie—true, honest, and wise-for-his-age Bodie—knew in that moment I was struggling. He tried to make light of his condition just to make me smile.