Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61563 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 308(@200wpm)___ 246(@250wpm)___ 205(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61563 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 308(@200wpm)___ 246(@250wpm)___ 205(@300wpm)
I rip my eyes away and pick at my nails. It’s little things like what I just witnessed that I find unbearable. I bite the inside of my cheek and hold back the bitterness.
Luckily, the driver gets the picture. I’m not in the mood to talk and the cab moves ahead, taking me away from my sanctuary and toward another test.
That’s what these things really are. Tests.
It’s only in this moment that I realize I’m really doing it. I’ve put it off so many times over the last eight months. I’ve given so many excuses for not meeting up with the girls.
Why today? I don’t know. My heart sinks thinking that maybe I’m really getting over my husband’s death.
As much as I want to be the woman I once was, happy and carefree, I don’t want to forget him.
I lay my head back on the headrest and close my eyes, my clutch in my lap. Jace gave it to me last Christmas. I snort at the thought, running my fingers over the smooth, hot pink leather. More like I picked it out and he paid for it.
I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. It’s calming riding in a quiet cab at night in the city. The quiet rumble of the engine and the white noise of the rain are a serene mix.
The last day I saw my husband was when we were watching my nephew Everett, so my sister could have a mother-daughter day with Lexi. It’s rare I see my family at all; everyone is so busy with their own lives and my sister is much older than I am… so we’re not exactly close. I still love them though.
The thought of my nephew brings a smile to my face. With sandy blond hair that just barely covers his big blue eyes and a wide smile, you can’t help but smile back at him. He was only a few months old back then. A brand-new life in this world. That’s the way it works, isn’t it? Life and death go hand in hand.
I glance forward out the windshield and give a slight start when we stop far away from Second Avenue where the bar is located; a bit of traffic is holding us up.
The cabby notices my reaction in the rearview mirror and shrugs as he says, “We should be out of it soon.” He’s tense at the wheel, probably expecting me to snap at him, maybe blame him for taking this particular route. More guilt washes over me. I hate spreading negativity simply by being so … gloom and doom with the air surrounding me. I’m not an ice queen, or at least I don’t mean to be.
I give him a soft smile, placing my clutch in the middle seat. “I figured we’d run into something,” I say easily. My voice comes out even and calm. It’s the voice I use with my mother. The kind of tone that says: I’m okay, just tired.
The cabby shifts, making the leather seat grumble and he tries to make small chat.
I nod my head and answer politely, but keep everything short and to the point. I can be accommodating with others and I truly want to do so. I’m tired of being alone and pushing others away. It’s just harder than I thought it would be after how I’ve been since Jace passed.
After a moment of quiet, I look out the window again. The rain’s nearly stopped, and the sidewalks are instantly crowded as a result. The people were always there, waiting under awnings for protection. Not many people like to venture into weather that washes away your makeup and ruins even the best put-together look.
They were waiting and ready to keep moving just the same. All they needed was a small break before setting out again. The only question is if there will be another awning to save them when the brutal downpour comes back.
The cabby stops and my eyes whip up to the sign on my right, my heart beating faster as I watch dozens of people walking in front of me on the sidewalk. Each going wherever it is that life has taken them. I don’t know if I’m ready, but at least I’m here.
“Miss?” the cabby asks after I remain where I am in this cozy seat. I shake my head slightly with quick motions and play off my hesitation, paying him and leaving a big tip as well. He deserves it for having to suffer my company.
“Have a good night,” I tell him as I slip out, my heels hitting the slick asphalt and the door shutting behind me with a resounding click.
Mason
It figures it would stop pouring the second I get in here. The bar is packed and the cacophony of guests chatting and glasses clinking welcome me. I can get lost in the crowds. I know the people here see me, but they don’t know me.