Total pages in book: 213
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 201920 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1010(@200wpm)___ 808(@250wpm)___ 673(@300wpm)
“Bad things always happen,” she says after a moment of consideration. “Whether you wait for them or not.”
“You look scared, Allie, and I don’t like it.”
“I am scared,” she confesses in a hoarse whisper.
“I know my mother looks like shit, but I promise she’s not as scary as she looks,” I joke and she finally breaks a smile although the second she does, she closes her eyes and her face crumples. Goddamn, it hurts. It hurts to see her like this. It’s even worse because I don’t know how to make it better.
The bed groans, protesting as I sit on the edge and pull her small body into my arms. I don’t talk as her shoulders shake. I just kiss her hair and rub her back.
Her body molds to mine for a small moment. A tiny but significant moment where she lets it out.
I’d swear she was crying if she didn’t peek up at me with glossy eyes but not a tear leaving her. “I’m okay.” She mouths the words more than speaking them and pulls away from me.
My fingertips brush over her shoulders and she catches my hand in hers as she sits cross-legged on the bed. “I just …” She doesn’t finish and shakes her head instead.
“Is it because of your mom?” I ask her. It’s all I can think of. There wasn’t a damn thing said that seemed to set her off. It was after the silence in the car and the time to think. Sometimes our inner thoughts are our worst demons.
“No,” she says with a sad smile and sniffles. She gives me a smile and even though the light in her eyes is dimmed, she almost looks normal. Like she can bandage up her pain and hide it. I suppose that’s what she’s used to and my body tenses as I debate what to do. Push her for more, not let her hide? Or just try to ease the pain and go along with this facade. I don’t know what the hell to do, but I’m terrified she’s going to push me away.
Her thumb brushes along the knuckles of my hand.
“I think I do want to text her, though,” she says and swallows. The nervousness in her voice reflects in her eyes. She chews on her lower lip and searches my eyes again.
It looks like she’s lying.
That’s exactly what it looks like.
I don’t know why or what’s gotten to her, but she’s fucking lying to me.
“You should,” I say absently and let her hand fall as I walk back to the dresser. “Unless she’s like my mom, in which case, fuck it.”
“It took a lot for you to go to her.”
I only nod at Allie’s words. I don’t look behind me as I slip into sweatpants even though I can hear her crawling on the bed.
“I would say I’m proud of you, but who am I to say that?” she says sarcastically. That protective armor of hers is sneaking up again.
“It makes me feel good that you’re proud,” I tell her bluntly.
Her gaze catches mine for a moment before she rubs the exhaustion from her eyes.
“I only did it because the shrink said to,” I tell her.
“You still did it,” she says softly, so soft I almost didn’t hear but then she raises her voice to add, “It’s hard to go through with things sometimes.”
“Like what things?” I ask but she doesn’t answer.
I wait a while, looking through the pile of binders on the nightstand until I find the one with the menu in it. She still hasn’t answered, so I drop it.
“You want to split something?” I ask and she nods weakly.
“I’m not too hungry, but if you order fries I’ll probably eat some … or all of them.” The small bit of humor forces the start of a smile on my face and I pick up the phone to place the order.
A burger with all the fixings and two orders of fries.
Hanging up the phone, I still don’t feel right. I never thought bringing Allie out here would wind up like this. With me feeling A-fucking-okay and her looking like she’s been beaten up.
“Thanks for coming with me,” I tell her as she picks at something on the pajama pants she slipped on while I was ordering food. She lies on the bed, stretching out and tells me it’s been a blast, again making the tense air lighter. She’s good at that. Good at playing things off like they don’t matter. Even now while she’s breaking down right in front of me.
“Can I ask you something, Allie?” I say and then turn around to see her texting something. She doesn’t stop until she hits send and then looks up at me.
“Whatever you want.” Before I can say another word, the screen of her phone lights up and pings. She tries to ignore it but on the second ping, she has to look down to silence her phone.