Total pages in book: 118
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 106646 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 533(@200wpm)___ 427(@250wpm)___ 355(@300wpm)
He gently strokes his fingers over my stinging cheek, wiping away any blood. "There. You are beautiful once more."
My breath catches. "Am I beautiful to you, then? Even though I'm human?"
"You have to ask?"
"This is me. Of course I have to ask."
He laughs. "Yes, you are very beautiful. There is nothing I like so much as gazing at you."
"More beautiful than Daisy?" I ask, mock-innocent.
A'tam groans, now that he realizes he's fallen into a trap. He shakes his head, then takes my hand and we head toward the beach—the long way, just as I requested—and skirt wide around camp. In the shadows, no one will see us. "I have never touched her, my fierce little kaari. After we kissed the first time, I never wanted another. Not even for a day. Not even for a moment. You are the only female I have been interested in." He glances over at me. "What about you? You picked O'jek as your partner."
"And he promptly abandoned me," I remind him. "What was I supposed to do? Daisy picked you first."
"You could have told her to pick someone else," A'tam says, as if that's the simplest thing in the universe ever. "You could have spoken up. She would have traded you."
"Oh, sure, and then everyone in the camp will tease me and never shut up about how I can't get enough of A'tam's dick, and can't I just make up my mind?" Even thinking about it makes me shudder. "They'll all laugh at me."
"Who cares if they laugh when we are happy?"
He makes it sound so easy. Like he doesn't have a gargantuan cock that he uses like a damn club. Like I’m not too small inside…but after talking with Raven, I’m not sure if that’s true. I clench my jaw and say nothing. What can I say that won't hurt his feelings? Even if I’m normal sized, even if I tell him that he's terrible at sex, it doesn't change the size of his dick. It's still far too large.
Of course, I'm going to have to figure something out with that, because resonance has decided we're going to mate again, and soon. And I don't know what I'm going to do if he hurts me again. I don't know what I'm going to do if I'm supposed to just endure a lifetime of painful sex. Why am I the only one this happens to?
As if he can read my thoughts, A'tam gazes down at me, thoughtful. "Why do you no longer want my touch?"
I lick my lips, nervous. There's so much I want to tell him, but I don't feel like I can talk about it yet. I need the mediator that therapy will bring, because I know if I bring it up, it'll just be a fight. I don't know how to make A'tam listen to me without yelling at him, and I'm so damn tired of yelling. "It's…complicated. I'll tell you tomorrow, I promise."
He stops, tugging my hand so I pause, too. "My little kaari, tomorrow seems very far away right now. What if I want to touch you tonight? What if I want to hold you? To kiss you?"
I'm melting. I'm melting because I want all those things, too, and resonance is thrumming hard in my chest, letting me know that my khui is on board as well. Everything is on board except the most important part of my anatomy.
And I'm…scared. I'm scared because if I give A'tam power over me, I'm afraid he'll hurt me. That's the core of this, isn't it? He hurt me during sex and was callous about it, and then he hurt me again when he threw it in my face and we argued about it a thousand times. I want him more than anything, but I'm so scared of setting myself up for a lifetime of hurt after hurt, just like my mother had.
I look up at A'tam. He's utterly beautiful in the moonlight, his long hair brushing against his shoulders. His eyes glow in the darkness, but the look in them is warm and tender. His big body is tense, his tail flicking as if he wants to step toward me but doesn't trust himself not to do more than just approach. And his khui…hoo boy. His khui is singing so hard and so deep that it's practically turning me on just with its damn song.
"It's…complicated," is all I say to him.
"Then let us un-complicate it," A'tam says, and he makes it sound so very reasonable. He reaches up and brushes his knuckles along my cheek again, even as the sea breeze makes our leathers and our hair blow into a tangle around us. "You say I do not know how to be patient and wait for things. That I think I should get things because I have a good smile." He touches my cheek so, so gently. "This is me, not smiling. I am not mad because I am not getting things. I am asking this time. My little fierce kaari, I would like to spend tonight with my mate. We do not have to do anything…but I would not be A'tam if I did not suggest kisses." His mouth quirks up in one corner.