Total pages in book: 107
Estimated words: 100750 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100750 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 504(@200wpm)___ 403(@250wpm)___ 336(@300wpm)
“We’ll go together. A team effort. Besides, Hayden misses Lynnea, and it’ll be good for the girls to be together.”
“You’re right. Thank you.”
“You’d do the same for me,” Hazel said.
“I pray you never have to go through what I’m going through.”
Hazel didn’t respond. She didn’t need to. Nadia knew what her friend would say—Me too.
“I’ll see you in the morning. Try to get some sleep, Nadia. You’re teaching middle schoolers tomorrow, and you need to be quick on your toes.”
After they hung up, Nadia felt a smidge better. She still didn’t want to go to work, leave the house every day, or have the kids out of her sight. She welcomed the day when she’d be better, when missing Rafe was easier and her life made sense again.
The next morning, she woke up well before Gemma and Lynnea had to be out of bed, determined to start fresh. She showered, dressed, and avoided everything in her room that reminded her of her husband. In the kitchen, she fixed the batter for pancakes, poured orange juice into cups, and set the table. Nadia hummed a song she’d heard but wasn’t sure of the words or the title. She wasn’t even sure where she’d heard it.
Nadia piled three pancakes on her spatula and turned. The girls weren’t at the table, nor could she hear them upstairs. The pancakes fell to the floor, and tears welled behind her eyes. She had forgotten to wake them up, and judging by the numbers on the stove clock, they’d be late.
Everything in her screamed to go back to bed, to call out sick, to keep the girls home because they weren’t ready to return. How would she survive if she couldn’t get them up on time?
She wouldn’t, unless she tried. Trying was as hard as living these days.
Leaving the pancakes on the floor, she made her way upstairs, working to clear her thoughts and feelings on the already chaotic morning. Tonight, she’d order Gemma an alarm clock and ask her to please help her with Lynnea. It was the best Nadia could do.
“Gemma,” Nadia said as she went into her room. She turned her light on and found her daughter awake and staring at her. “How long have you been up?”
She shrugged. “A while.”
Anger surged inside of Nadia, rising to an instant headache. She knew she shouldn’t be upset. Gemma was only eight, but irritation baited her, causing her to feel emotions she never wanted to.
“Get out of bed and help me with your sister. We’re going to be late.” She left Gemma’s room and went into Lynnea’s, pushing the door open abruptly. Lynnea startled and rubbed her eyes.
“You need to get up. We’re late.” Nadia looked for the clothes she’d laid out the night before, remembering specifically that she’d left them on the chair. “Where are your clothes?”
“I don’t like them.”
“I don’t care, Lynnea. Where are they?”
Lynnea said nothing and started to cry.
Gemma was her morning girl. The one who woke up with a smile on her face and was ready to take on the world. Lynnea, not so much. She was a grumpy sunshine who wanted to be held and needed time to wake up before the demands of the day took their turn.
Nadia knew this and had failed.
At the first sight of Lynnea’s tears, Nadia walked out of the room. She couldn’t comfort the first grader. Not in the way she needed. Nadia went into her bedroom, into the bathroom, locked the door, and turned on the shower. With the water blasting, Nadia screamed. The guttural sound coming from her body shocked her. She held on to the counter for support. She caught her reflection in the mirror. Her shoulders heaved and her chest grunted as she continued to emanate air. The exhaustion of the past five months had finally caught up with her, and it was as if she was only noticing now. Her eyes had sunken in, surrounded by deep dark bags. The natural auburn hair Rafe loved so much was lackluster, at best. On closer inspection, split ends covered the bottom three or four inches, but that was nothing compared to the wrinkles around her mouth and eyes and along her forehead. She had aged fifty years since her husband had passed.
Nadia needed to get her shit together or she wouldn’t survive. She had two children to think about. They needed to come first.
After shutting off the water, she left her room, walked to Lynnea’s room, and found her sitting on her bed, still in her pajamas. Nadia felt the anger boil and ignored it. “I’m sorry for yelling,” she told her. “Mommy’s frustrated and angry, and I took it out on you. Come on, let’s get dressed. You can wear whatever you want. Meet me downstairs for breakfast, but hurry because we’re already late.” She kissed the tip of Lynnea’s nose and ignored the thumb in her mouth.