Total pages in book: 147
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137176 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“JJ,” Cass said softly… hungrily. He let out a thick moan and repeated my name, though he didn’t turn around. I didn’t need to look down to know that my cock was dripping pre-cum which the water was washing away as quickly as it leaked out of me.
“Am I hurting you?” I automatically asked.
Cass nodded, but before I could even give in to the distress of knowing I was causing him pain, he pressed back against my hand.
Or fingers, rather.
In my haze of lust, I hadn’t even realized that my hands had gone from massaging his ass to having several fingers of one hand sliding along his crease.
“Fuck,” I said as a wave of need washed over me.
What the hell was I doing? The man needed me to take care of him like he’d taken care of me. If he’d only stop making those sounds as he put more pressure on my hand. Logic was nowhere in sight, so I let two of my fingers slip into his crack. I slowly slid them up and down but never let them linger on Cass’s asshole.
“JJ, please,” Cass said after a throaty moan. I was momentarily jolted from reality because it felt like I’d heard those same words spill from his lips but spoken in a different way.
The two words in my head had been spoken in desperation, but not the kind that came from the need for sexual relief.
No, the desperation had been the kind that stemmed from fear.
The sudden shift in thought was enough of a reminder of what I was doing and why I shouldn’t be doing it.
Cass was exhausted and if he fell, he could be seriously injured, and I’d have no way of getting him help.
I eased my hand from his crease and swiftly but gently worked my way down the rest of his body until soap was sliding down the hair on his calves and disappearing into the drain. It took everything in my power not to focus on the fact that my position had me practically eye level with his ass. I could also see the shadow of his balls through his slightly spread legs.
I quickly stood up.
“I need to do the front,” I said shakily. How the hell was I going to do this?
Cass turned. He leaned heavily against the wall that was now at his back.
“I think I’m good now, JJ. Just give me a couple minutes and I’ll get out of your way.”
The statement caught me off guard. If he could have forced his cock to match the lack of desire in his voice, he probably would have. It was his eyes that couldn’t hold the lie. They didn’t match the disinterest in his voice.
Cass was giving me an out.
He was giving me an out that would ensure all the awkwardness and regret would be minimal the next time we saw each other. We wouldn’t have to talk about any of it. I wouldn’t have to analyze my feelings or try to come up with some explanation for my actions.
“I need to do the front,” I repeated shakily. The mere idea of stepping out of the shower made it feel like acid was burning me from the inside out.
I couldn’t take Cass’s offered opportunity to escape. I didn’t want to. If I did, I might as well have been back in that alley letting one guy after another use my body so I wouldn’t have been forced to think or feel.
Heat that had nothing to do with the water crawled up my neck. Cass had turned the tables on me without even trying. I didn’t give him a chance to protest. Instead, I stared at his chest and let my hands move on their own. Instinct was driving my physical connection with Cass, but my brain was at war with itself. I knew he was watching me. Studying me. Reading me.
I didn’t want to be read.
I didn’t want Cass to know how badly I wanted to keep going despite knowing I shouldn’t. I wanted him to choose. I wanted him to pick the JJ he saw standing in front of him and not the JJ who was too weak-minded to find some better way to deal with his shortcomings than letting strangers fuck him in dirty alleys.
Cass was physically weaker than usual at the moment, but he wasn’t helpless. He’d had no problem pushing me away in his motel room when things had gotten out of hand.
The difference was that I needed to make the choice this time. I’d have to choose whether this was the course I wanted to follow.
I’d given away my ability to make choices every time I’d walked through the door of Tank’s club. I didn’t have that luxury this time because Cass was nothing like the men from Tank’s. He wouldn’t let me casually throw away the decision to be with him or not.