Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 74844 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 374(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 74844 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 374(@200wpm)___ 299(@250wpm)___ 249(@300wpm)
And he has been.
I want what Eliza has, what Austen and Louisa have. But as much as I want to believe Alex when he says that nothing has changed, it has. He had the choice to want me, but now that I’m pregnant with his child, I don’t know if he wants me or if he wants to be what his dad wasn’t. Since the baby is mine too, I come with, and I can’t shake that worry. It isn’t surprising when I’ve been feeling every single emotion known to humankind since I confirmed Alex’s suspicion. I still don’t know how he put it all together. I did so well hiding this, but one day with him, and he knows.
I thought I felt guilt before. But shit, his words, his eyes, his voice? I wasn’t prepared, and now, I’m riddled with the feeling. I’ve hurt him twice now, and the weight of that is overwhelming. I had no intention of ever hurting Alex, and while I want to keep running, I know I can’t. It isn’t fair to him. It isn’t fair to our child. I need to grow some balls and face this head on. I can figure this out; he can be a dad, and I can be a mom.
We don’t have to be together.
That way, no one gets hurt.
My baby takes that moment to kick me, and I swear, for a fetus, I think they’re very intuitive.
As much as I don’t want them to miss out on a two-parent home, plenty of kids have great parents who aren’t together. Alex’s mom didn’t need his dad. She was both parents, and my parents didn’t even raise me. My sisters did. Shit, there are kids in two-parent homes who aren’t loved at all. No matter what, my baby will be loved.
Hard.
I’m currently using a box of books to hide my stomach as I sit on the floor with Clara and Austen. Louisa had a huge order come in of a kick-ass mafia romance, so we’re helping split up preorders and what is going onto the shelf. Since our little coffee date was cut short yesterday, we decided to do brunch and help Louisa. She made sure to get chicken and waffles from the local café and even has mimosas. Mine is sitting on the counter, and every time I go to “drink” it, I pour a bit of mine in Clara’s. I’ve become a pro at hiding this pregnancy.
Unless Alex Cruz is in the room.
I should have known better; goalies are weird. They tend to keep their eyes wide and trained on everything. They are always a step ahead and very intense. Alex is no exception. He saw right through my façade. Asshole.
Louisa is on the ladder, putting books on the top shelf that Ciaran is passing her. Eliza has disentangled herself from her husband and is now cleaning, while Austen, Clara, and I open boxes. Dimitri is sitting with Coleson in the back part of the store, so it’s only really Ciaran in this room. As much as I wish it were just my sisters and me, I’m getting used to my brothers-in-law-to-be being a constant presence now that they don’t leave my sisters much.
I lick my lips and then reach for my phone. I don’t know why, but I want to make sure it’s okay with Alex before I tell them.
Me: Hey.
He answers right away.
Alex: Hey.
Alex: How are you?
Alex: Are you feeling okay?
I press my lips together, my stomach tightening.
Me: I’m fine, thanks. And yeah, no nausea or anything. I really think it was the lemon.
Alex: Good. Did you sleep well?
Me: Not at all.
Alex: Me either.
My heart hurts at his confession. This isn’t what I wanted.
Me: I’m sorry.
Alex: Yeah, so, I’m about to hit the ice, but I’m free this afternoon. Wanna come to my place? Yours? Or meet somewhere?
I bring my lip in between my teeth.
Me: You can come to my place. Just follow the stairwell up the back.
Alex: Drippy Drip, right?
Me: Yeah.
Alex: Cool. I’ll bring dinner.
Me: You don’t have to.
Alex: I want to.
Me: Thanks.
I bite my lip harder.
Me: I’m with my sisters, and I wanted to tell them about the baby. Are you okay with that?
Bubbles come up and then disappear. They appear and once more disappear before, finally, his text pops up.
Alex: Do you want me there with you?
Me: It’s okay. I’m sure they’re gonna give me shit for lying to them for six months. I’ll save you from that.
Alex: If you wait, I can be there with you.
Me: No, it’s okay. As long as you are okay with my telling them.
Alex: I am.
Me: Have you told your mom yet?
Alex: No. We have more to discuss.
His text is six words long, and I feel each one like a puck to the gut. Breathless, I quickly type back.