Total pages in book: 68
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66259 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 331(@200wpm)___ 265(@250wpm)___ 221(@300wpm)
His nostrils flair. “Easier said than done.”
“With me,” I say. “You can let go with me.”
“And if you leave me?”
“Why would I?”
“Broken people can only be broken so many times, Scar.”
I lower my head again and finish him off, sucking down every last part of him, before locking eyes with him. “Maybe if you find matching pieces in someone else—you’ll be whole again.”
I spend the rest of the night under the stars with Killian holding me, and the universe watching.
And me waiting for a shooting star I can wish on, just so I can stay like this forever.
I don’t see one.
Then realize maybe the star I need to wish on is right next to me. So when he’s sleeping, I press a hand to his chest where his heart is, and whisper, “Stay.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Killian
I get ready for the wedding slowly because I know once their wedding ends, our little impromptu fake vow exchange begins and that seems like the most painful thing that could happen before actually leaving.
I could stay with her for a few days, but she’d want to know more, she’d want to know the reasons I want to run in the other direction, the actual fear I have in my soul. It’s why I write music, to get rid of the pain, to push through the chaos of knowing that you might lose and knowing that if you make that bet, your exact future might be that same pain you’re trying to escape.
Adrian didn’t get back until the morning, he quietly got ready for the wedding, and I quietly put on a nice jacket while Scarlett scrambled around the room in search of her other shoe.
Things definitely escalated last night.
We brought the party from outside to inside, and well, around two a.m., I was like “I need more.”
She pressed her ass against me, and I was gone, so long gone. We had sex two more times before I pretended to go to sleep. At this rate she’ll become an addiction I can’t get rid of, something that stains my soul in a way I want to keep blood red.
I look over my shoulder. Scarlett’s found the shoe and I see a vision of her constantly looking for things in my house, hell, even throwing that shoe at me. I close my eyes and I envision the best-case scenario.
Survival, meaning staying with her, but I can’t give her what she needs, and she doesn’t even know it. That I’m half a man, or at least I feel that way, because that’s what I was told over and over again before I was left.
“Killian, you should have told me before I got invested! How could you do this to us? To me? You know that’s what I’ve always wanted! You lied!”
Tears fill my eyes. “There are options, we can do so much. I just didn’t want to keep it from you.” I finger the ring in my pocket for a bit, a gorgeous three karat princess cut diamond I knew she was staring at earlier. “I just wanted to be upfront with you before—”
Tears stream down her cheeks. “Before what? You lied again? Before you told me it would be okay after years, hearing over and over again that my dream—“ She starts sobbing. “You know how I felt about this, and you still kept it from me this long.”
The ring drops from my fingers deeper into my pocket, maybe it fell completely through, I don’t even know. I just stare at her, hoping she’ll realize how much I love her, how much I want to spend my life with her no matter what.
“No.” She lifts her chin. “You lied, and I can’t be with a liar, on top of that. It was the one thing, the one thing I spent years talking about, dreaming about, and you still never said anything. You know, I always wondered.” She stares down at the ground. “I just thought the odds were in our favor while we dated but, never mind, no, I just—Killian I can’t, not right now. I need time.”
I stood still.
I watched her give me her back and walk away, and I felt my heart crack in my chest, and the hard part was that it wasn’t fast. It didn’t drop like I was jumping out of a plane; it was slow, so achingly slow, I would take a step and pain would hit, I would take another, and I would feel a piece shatter against the ground, someone would smile at me, I would smile back, and another piece would crumble because how dare they be happy right now? In my moment of desperation and illusion? I walked up the path; I walked back to a bench, and I sat, and I stared. I knew the ring was still there. I tried texting her; I tried calling.