Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 71348 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 71348 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 357(@200wpm)___ 285(@250wpm)___ 238(@300wpm)
Sal walks into the locker room, a towel wrapped around his sweaty neck. He’d been in the gym lifting by himself, and we just quietly disregarded each other while I was working out. The gym is usually empty in the afternoons, most of us preferring to get our workouts in early. Today I was sidelined with some nausea when I woke up. By the time I was feeling better, I had time for just a quick run and a short kettle bell workout.
Sal’s eyes lock with mine, and he gives me a nod in greeting.
“Sal,” I respond back politely.
I pull my first sock on while Sal opens his locker, which is just three down from mine. When he closes it, holding a shave kit and a fresh towel in hand, he surprises me by sitting down on the opposite end of the bench from where I’m sitting.
“What’s up?” I ask while I put my other sock on.
“I wanted to say I’m sorry,” he says gruffly. “For questioning you.”
I shrug, not wanting to make a big deal of it. “It was legit.”
“No, actually… it wasn’t. You know I’ve got no qualms with the fact you’re a woman, Hart. You know I’d gladly march into battle with you. I should have trusted you when you said you were capable despite the pregnancy. I shouldn’t have doubted you.”
I freeze with my sock halfway on my foot, my mouth dropping slightly in disbelief. Sal’s not the type to admit he’s wrong, so this is big.
“You know I’m old school,” he continues, which spurs me to finish putting on my sock. I drop my leg to the floor and listen. “And I think that just sort of came out badly. But when I stepped back, and thought about all the things we’ve been through over the years, I realized I trusted you to tell us the truth if you couldn’t do your job. I know you’d never put any of us in harm’s way, just so you could keep doing what you love.”
Yes, I’ll admit… some of it might be hormonal, but the genuine rush of affection and care I feel toward Sal right this moment overwhelms me. I have to struggle not to leap on him and give him a big bear hug.
“Thank you,” I tell him, the sincerity and rush of gratitude making my voice quaver. “That means a lot because I respect you so much as a teammate.”
Sal’s face is usually hard and intimidating, but it softens tremendously. “And I’ll try to not tease you so much… seeing as how you’re all hormonal and everything.”
I lean across the expanse of the bench and punch him hard in his right pec. He’s so fucking built, though, my knuckles ache.
He just laughs at me, pulls his sweaty towel from around his neck, and mops at his face. When he’s looking at me again, his expression sobers. “But still…I know this is hard for you. Your life is getting ready to drastically change, and I know motherhood is going to cut in on your work at Jameson.”
My face immediately flushes hot with embarrassment as I realize… this is the first person outside of Kynan and Jerico who has mentioned what happens after the birth. Sal just assumes I’m going to be involved, and if ever there was a time I’ve doubted my decision, it’s now. Because no matter how progressive my teammates are regarding me being a woman on the team, there’s still the expectation I’m going to raise the baby.
When that expectation is not met, I’m going to look like a total douche to my Jameson family, and yes… that embarrasses me. For the first time, I consider perhaps leaving Jameson after the birth and starting a new life somewhere.
In a place where people won’t know I abandoned my baby because not only was I not ready to be a mom, but also because I was terrified that I wouldn’t be a good mom. Being a mother meant a commitment and responsibility I’d never been quite able to handle. It’s why I’ve never had a serious relationship before, and I just know inherently I’d be bad at it.
“That’s a totally and seriously fucked-up look on your face right now, Hart,” Sal observes, and I raise my head, blinking at him stupidly.
But I can’t lie, because the truth will come out eventually. The whole “Bodie taking the baby to Nebraska” will make it quite clear to everyone.
I pick at the shoestrings on my tennis shoe sitting on the bench, refusing to look at Sal. “Um… I’m actually not going to raise the baby.”
I look up tentatively to find Sal staring at me in shock.
“Then who is?” he practically stammers. It never even occurs to him that it would be the father.
“Bodie,” I tell him after a hard swallow, which is nothing more than me trying to push down the knot of shame that’s threatening to come up. “He’s going to go home to Nebraska so his parents can help him.”